Brainwashed!
In my never-ending quest to further understand relinquishment and how a woman could be coerced to have someone else raise their child, I started reading "Birthmother Stories" on an open adoption...
View ArticleAnguish and Art
I spent most of today working on music. I know that's a luxury I won't have in a short period of time and the musical side of me is going to be a real bitch to let go of. My friend and I practiced...
View ArticleThe Lie That Keeps Working
I was hesitant to write this. My daughter's post about birth mothers (I am using that very obnoxious term deliberatly because that is what we are when we are in the fog) really struck a chord with me....
View ArticleIt Is Good To Know I Am Not Crazy
I have just been re-reading the responses to my previous post. There are so many times that I start thinking that I am imagining things and it is just me. Even my husband who has been wonderfully...
View ArticleRIP Freija Ann
The fuzzy rat's beloved kitty cat, Freija Ann, was tragically run over by a car this weekend. She was honestly the most beautiful cat I had ever seen. This was the "fur sister" that I swear helped me...
View ArticleFallout From the Lie
My daughter and I have been talking about a lot of things including my sometimes odd behavior and some of her feelings. I have been thinking about it a lot. First thing is that she dropped everything...
View ArticleReunion in the Fog
I was talking to my daughter yesterday and she was asking me about why I did and said certain things early in our reunion. It accurred to me that I have written about why I had trouble with the whole...
View ArticleThe Fog, or the Multi-Faceted Monster that Won't Quit
With my mother posting so much about "the fog" and what it did to her and our relationship from her side, I figured I should chime in from the adoptee angle. First and foremost, I'm not sure I was ever...
View ArticleHiding Behind the Mask
Authenticity...what is it?As adoptees, many of us hide behind the people-pleasing mask. We are the ultimate chameleons. This has its strong points - most of us have friends from all walks of life and...
View ArticleWhy Is It so Hard To Believe
It has been a hard 10 days. I was finally able to get back on and re-read the last two posts. When I read my daughters last post I immediately saw REJECTION. It was like big bold letters, I DON'T NEED...
View ArticleA Very Good Day Indeed
It seems that I always am writing about the turmoil of reunion and not sharing the wonderful parts. Today I get to write about a wonderful part. The short story is that my daughter is on her way home...
View ArticleLetting the Lie Control Me
As usual, after a long talk with my daughter I start thinking. We were talking about the barriers we put up in our relationship and why they are there. More importantly, how they effect how we behave...
View ArticleOur Reunion Is Like A Teenage Romance
Oh, those "like a..." statements are dangerous, aren't they? The minute you start comparing an "adoption reunion" to "like a..." anything, you can get yourself in big trouble. So my mother and I have...
View ArticleGrayness
I've been quiet lately. I think I've hit one of those moments in life again - one of those moments when the adoption bug has bit me big time. It's that bug that causes me to resign, that lets me...
View ArticleThe Search Is Over
I've been looking for my natural father for 20 years. Tonight, a very nice man called me because he received my letter. He was the last one on the list. I've eliminated every single man with his name...
View ArticleDiscoveries
It has been a really rough month. I'm sure those of you who read this blog have figured out that my daughter and I have been going through some bad times. I haven't been near this or any other site. It...
View ArticleSecurity and Emotional Distance
About a week and a half ago, I went "home" to my adoptive parents' house. It is not the house I grew up in, since they retired and moved out of state, but in a sense it still feels like "home" to me. I...
View ArticleInsecurities
I have been away from this and all other blogs for a while. I wasn't sure exactly why until I read what my daughter wrote. I realized that what she has been going through plays into every evil fog...
View ArticleWhen It Is Good
Since my last post my daughter and grandson have been here for my mother's 90th birthday. It was incredible. My mother didn't think they would be able to come and she was so excited. We had a small...
View ArticleUnderstanding
I have been out on the blogs after reading the comments on my last post. Yes I am one of those stealth readers who seldom comments. I have been trying to understand the hurt mothers and angry adoptees...
View ArticleA Different Birthday
Like many adoptees out there, I have always hated my birthday. I can think of past years that were drowned in tears, alcohol, or a combination of the two plus other unmentionables perhaps. (ahem...)I...
View ArticleMissing Her Today
My daughter and I have come a long way and we have even further to go. One of the things that really gets to her is that I am nothing if not wound tight. To say that I don't show my emotions easily is...
View ArticleAlmost a year
It has been almost a year since I last posted. Ilooked back at what I had written and realized where we were when I last wrote. It was very very hard to get through the months that followed that post...
View ArticleBeing Adopted
Being adopted is hard work. It takes more effort to trust, love, accept and believe. Not to give those things, mind you, but to allow others to give them to me. I trust, love, accept and believe too...
View ArticleBeing A Hyphenated Mother
As anyone can tell from our last two posts my daughter and I are having very different reactions to our latest separation. The 30 days we had together made me feel even closer to her. I realized how...
View Article
